


Don't have to Hear the Words to Understand

by vlaurie17



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Disabled Character, Car Accidents, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Slash, Sappy, Sickfic, loss of hearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2018-12-05 18:33:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11583735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlaurie17/pseuds/vlaurie17
Summary: Adam struggled to adjust to his hearing loss, physically and emotionally.And he wasn't left to do it alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because there wasn’t any real adjustment phase for Adam after he suffered a serious head trauma and partial hearing loss? 
> 
> Adam doesn’t sacrifice himself yet and nothing Magical happens for a while after he gets back. 
> 
> He’s also already moved into his apartment and Ronan stays over like it’s no big deal.
> 
> Honestly, I haven’t read the books in forever, so my timelines are mixed up, just go with it.
> 
> Also Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on hearing loss, so I apologize if there are any issues regarding the subject of disabilities and/or effects of trauma and child abuse.

Ronan is there when he wakes up. Of course Adam knew he wouldn’t have left him to be alone in his shitty apartment after going through his recent trauma. He’d given him his space, the afternoon after returning from the hospital, but came back sooner than later.

When three AM rolls around after you just saw someone you care for wrapped in the sterile white blankets of a hospital bed not even twenty four hours past, it’s hard to stay away. Especially when you’re as stubbornly protective as Ronan was.

Adam hadn’t heard him come in. And not just because he’d been sleeping like the dead, his body and mind in complete agreement that leaving reality behind for as long as possible was the best plan.

It was also because he could no longer hear out of his left ear. The whole world felt muffled and distant, whether he was awake or dreaming.

His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and he felt unsettled in his own body, as if he’d been shattered and glued back together, but not aligned properly first.

In fact, he only discovered Ronan once he got up and almost tripped over him in the early morning dark.

Ronan merely grunted and curled back into himself, muttering.. _something_.

Adam couldn’t catch the words, but he doubted they were flattering, so he made his way to the tiny bathroom.

Ronan was probably out cold again, but Adam closed the door and relished in the privacy and freedom to simply stare at himself in the mirror now that his sleep addled senses were returning to him. Well, most of them at least..

He examined himself in the garish light and saw how pale his normally tan skin looked, with his freckles standing out and the dark tinge of a bruise seeping from a spot on his temple where his skull had collided on the railing.

Adam smiled grimly with dark humor at the fact that compared to some of the shiners he’d sported before, the bruise was barely anything. It was mostly hidden by stray locks of dusty blonde hair.

But ironically, this was the most severe damage Robert Parrish had ever inflicted on his son (at least in a physical sense). Adam would carry this invisible disability around with him the rest of his life.

Adam knew disadvantage. Disadvantage was the constant thread of his life, woven into every interaction he had, pushing him to work twice as hard for half as much. Now he had half as much of his hearing, for all the times he tried so hard to fly under his father’s radar and avoid permanent damage.

It could’ve been a lot worse, he told himself. He should consider himself lucky. But as his traitorous eyes began to water in the reflection, he felt anything but lucky.

The last thing Adam Parrish needed was another burden. Another scar. Another reason to run as far away as possible, and another reason he’d never be able to completely forget. His father had given him a parting gift of sorts, he thought bitterly.

Even as he wallowed in self-pity and anger, he felt a sense of guilt at his own weakness. He wiped his eyes before the tears could even fall. Like removing the evidence meant he was never about to cry.

If only his left ear started working again, he could also pretend that trailer and terrible night were nothing but a bad nightmare.

As soon as the mixed sparks of rage and shame left, they were replaced by an immediate numbness. The numbness was accompanied by the soft buzzing that hadn’t left his ears since he first woke up in the hospital.

The buzzing in his ears didn’t make it any easier to hear all the things he now struggled to pick up with his right ear, and it gave the world around him a metallic feeling.

It wasn’t quite white noise, but if he didn’t pay attention to it, it mostly didn't bother him.

Suddenly, the creaky bathroom door slammed in, and Adam jumped as Ronan loomed in his periphery vision.

“The hell?” he muttered without any real heat.

“I knocked like ten times,” Ronan huffed “I’m not dealing with another body if you end up drowning in the shower or some shit.”

Adam scowled because no, he hadn't actually heard Ronan knocking, and the realization scared the hell out of him.

And also because after everything, Ronan still offered a lame excuse instead of admitting he was just worried about him. Not that Adam wanted his worry or pity, but he was in no mood for bullshit of any kind.

“The water’s not even on.”

“The toilet then.”

“Fuck off, Lynch. As you can see I’m in no mortal peril. Just let me brush my teeth, so I can get ready for work.”

Ronan glared back (after a short visual body scan to confirm Adam’s wholeness) before wheeling himself back into the room wordlessly.

Adam waited to hear the apartment door slam, but it didn’t come. Apparently it was going to take a lot more than one pissy comment to shake Ronan today.

The thought made him want to roll his eyes, but deep down he was thankful to not be completely alone right now.

He quickly got ready with no further interruptions and quiet. Whether that was because for once Ronan decided not to dick around with his meager belongings, or because he simply couldn’t discern the noise even through the thin walls, he didn’t know.

When he re-entered the room fully clothed, Ronan simply stood up and waited for him to put on his dirty, old sneakers.

As he bent to pick them up, he suddenly felt the world tilt around him.

He staggered, and almost careened sideways before warm hands caught him by the shoulders and slowly pulled him back up.

He blinked and took several deep breaths trying to expel the sudden dizziness that came over him and accompanied his loss of balance.

He didn’t have to lie and tell Ronan he was fine. Ronan didn’t ask. He just stood there bracing Adam, until he hesitantly moved away.

“You going to work, Parrish?” Casual, but to the point.

He’d already told Ronan he had a shift today, but knew what he meant. Was he up to going? Was he physically able? And if he wasn’t, was he going to force himself to go anyways?

Adam wondered himself what the answer to that question was.

His doctor hadn’t technically cleared him to go back to work. In fact, she’d strongly suggested he take some time off to recuperate and deal with some of the adjustments that came with his newfound disability.

At the time, he’d assumed her suggestion was for people who actually had the luxury of recovering. If he’d taken the time off to properly recover from every injury he’d ever had, he’d never have had time to do anything.

But now he felt how unlike those other times, when he’d simply played through the pain, there wasn’t a part of him that was bruised or broken to try and ignore. There was a piece of him that was missing.

If Adam Parrish was like a fine-tuned car, this was more than a superficial scratch or dent. There was a tiny piece somewhere in his engine that was missing, and he didn’t yet know the full extent to which that would threaten all the systems involved in keeping him going.

But how bad could it really be?

He stared at his untied shoelaces and bit back a small wave of nausea at the thought of bending over an engine for the next seven hours.

He felt the receding warmth of where Ronan’s hands had been, the only thing keeping him from kissing the floor now that his center of gravity seemed to have left him before he even made it a few feet across his small apartment.

Ronan must have seen the defeat in his eyes, but he didn’t force him to say it out loud.

“I want some fucking bagels. I’m going to go get some.” _And bring them back here for us to share after I give you your privacy_.

Adam nodded with his eyes still on the ground and let Ronan shuffle past him to the door.

He looked up to see where Ronan had purposely left his barely used cellphone sitting on Adam’s desk, so he could discreetly call Boyd once he was alone.

He felt the unshed tears from before start to prick his eyes.

“Don’t forget the cream cheese, Lynch.”

When he caught Ronan grin and flip him off before shutting the door, he knew no matter what he’d lost, he still had all the things he really needed right there.


	2. Gansey: Like I'm Talking to Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You might study Glendower, but I'm the Adam Parrish expert."
> 
> Not everyone gets it right away. 
> 
> OR Gansey is a good friend, but a slow learner

“How’s Adam been doing?” Gansey slides the question out into the open air of Monmouth in a casual manner that makes any resulting conversation not-at-all capable of being casual.

 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Ronan lines up his pool cue and proceeds to hit open air before looking up to meet Gansey’s eyes.

 

“He may have given up his eyes, and hands to magic forest, and lost one ear, but he can still speak for himself.”

 

Ronan doesn’t know if he’s even angry or not, but he’s worried and unsure what Adam’s sacrifice _is_ , let alone what it means for all of them.

 

And anger beats worry in the hierarchy of shitty human emotions any day.

 

“I know he can, but he’ll just get angry with me no matter _what_ I say,” Gansey gestures his hands out wide before slumping his shoulders to express the burden that avoiding confrontation and remaining cordial at all costs is placing on him.

 

Ronan doesn’t respond. Who is he to say anything about unnecessary irritation or aggression?

 

“He’s just been so..distant lately.”

 

“He’s never been one for heart to hearts. Parrish plays it close to his chest,” Ronan says flippantly, but doesn’t bother trying to line up another ball quite yet.

 

“I just thought maybe since he’s been avoiding me...he’s gone to you to talk about things instead?”

 

“The fuck would he talk to me about? He’s not cheating on you, Gansey, don’t worry,” Ronan starts chewing on his leather bracelets as Gansey starts pacing the floor.

 

“For someone who doesn’t talk to him, you seem to have some _understanding_ he doesn’t have with, or _want to_ give to me!” Gansey says betraying his sense of hurt and letting bits of jealousy drift into his concerned tone.

 

Ronan doesn’t rise to Gansey’s slightly accusatory words, but says, “Stop being such a jealous girlfriend. He doesn’t _have to_ tell me everything.”

 

Gansey waits for him to elaborate.

 

“I get it or whatever.” _You might study Glendower, but I’m the Adam Parrish expert_.  

 

“It must be because I’m such an intuitive, empathetic, people person,” he continues.

 

Gansey scoffs, but it’s enough to break the hint of tension.

 

Ronan is relieved when Gansey shifts back into his relaxed, kingly state. Self-doubt isn’t a good look on him.

 

And Ronan, despite his self-deprecation, is good at really looking at his friends.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

 

They’re in the school cafeteria, as Gansey answers a question about the nuances of Welsh court life that nobody asked. Ronan sneaks a glance at Adam who looks a little zoned out, but Ronan doesn’t blame him as his own eyes glaze over in their sockets.

 

To avoid listening to Professor Gansey’s lecture, he picks up a baby carrot and throws it at Adam.

 

His unsuspecting victim sputters, “Asshole!”

 

Ronan cackles as Adam picks the carrot of his “plate” (or crumpled, brown paper bag) and eats it in one bite without breaking eye contact with Ronan.

 

Ronan continues his assault. Adam’s skimpy lunches usually consist of nothing more than a PB&J Sandwich, and not that Ronan gives a fuck, but Adam probably could use some Vitamin C. Just so he doesn’t get scurvy or something.

 

He’d say as much, but then he knows Adam wouldn’t eat them. The carrots would become fucking charity.

 

Sometimes Ronan can't help but roll his eyes at Adam's ridiculous, but endearing stubbornness.

 

“What are you two, five?” Gansey sighs as his children continue their small scale, one sided food fight.

 

Ronan finally relents and Gansey takes back over, his audience growing as Noah pops up next to them on the bench in the middle of the room.

 

The conversation drifts to Cabeswater and Gansey lays out his proposal that they go to 300 Fox Way to visit the women there (“None in particular?” Ronan smirks, which Gansey resolutely ignores) and see what light they can shed on Adam’s newfound connection.

 

 _After Adam’s done with work of course_ , Gansey makes sure to add, throwing out one of many conscious attempts to earn Adam’s forgiveness for anything and everything he might’ve done wrong.

 

Gansey’s face falls however, when Adam makes no sign of taking the bait. In fact, Adam doesn’t respond at all.

 

“Look, Adam,” his voice growing earnest, “ _I’m -_ I mean we’re _all -_  here for you, no matter what happens next. You don’t have to, to push me - _all of us_ \- away, at a time like this. We need each other more than ever now…”

 

Adam just continues to stare at a spot on the table, indifferent to Gansey’s impassioned plea.

 

Ronan can barely stand to watch the way Gansey squares himself for another attempt in a well-intentioned, but pretentious tone. He knows Gansey wants the best for Adam, just like he does, but the hint of condescension, like Adam needs a fucking intervention for not feeding Gansey’s inner therapist, grates him a bit.

 

“ _Adam_..” he strains.

 

Adam merely scans the room around them, filled with roaming raven boys, looking everywhere but at Gansey and checks his cheap, old watch, yawning like he can’t wait to get back to class and leave this conversation in the dust.

 

“Why _really_ , Adam! I know I’m not perfect, but I’m _trying_ here!” Gansey's face reddens as much as his perfect complexion can, and his voice rises a little in its heated emotion.

 

Ronan glances at Adam, then at Gansey, who is now angrily glaring at the side of Adam’s face.

 

His left side.

 

“Gansey,” he says softly, but Gansey has reached out and placed his hand on Adam’s shoulder in what Ronan would definitely label an ill-advised move as Adam flinches at the sudden contact and turns to Gansey with wide eyes.

 

Gansey has the sense to move his hand, but says, “ _Please_ , Adam..”

 

Now Adam’s face is red too, and he looks bewildered. “Please..what?’

 

“C’mon, Adam, don’t play games here,” and now Adam looks slightly ticked, but mainly confused and a little embarrassed.

 

“I’m not, I..did you say something to me?. I-I didn’t hear it.”

 

Gansey gapes a tiny bit, then looks at Ronan.

 

Ronan gives him nothing with his eyes, more focused on Adam who is slowly grasping what he missed, or at least that he missed _something_ , and getting more flushed by the second with the realization.

 

It's really not a big deal. _Hell_ , even Ronan can barely hear in the crowded Dining Hall, but he knows Adam will find a way to twist the event in his head and add it to the pile of shit he'll use to talk about to himself later. 

 

“It’s not important right now. Really, Adam," says Gansey, offering immediate reassurance before he can. 

 

Adam just looks ashamed and slightly frustrated that he missed such a big chunk of conversation.

 

That’s when Ronan resolves that he’ll never be stupid enough again to leave Adam stuck on the right side of anything. 

 

Gansey seems to be having similar sentiments judging by the soft regret and sympathy he sees glimmer in his slightly bright eyes as he observes Adam himself.

 

“Hey, it’s so noisy and crowded in here, let’s go outside by the soccer field for the rest of the period, where we won’t have to deal with anybody,” Gansey says it as if “anybody” isn’t a loyal, adoring subject he loves chatting with.

 

Adam nods and gets up a little too quickly.

 

Once they’re all outside, Gansey smiles pleasantly like the sun is also his admirer and says “This is much better!”

 

He jovially pats Adam’s shoulder, but this time Adam allows the touch and offers a smile of his own.

 

“Sorry if I seem... _off_ lately, I’m just um, adjusting to...everything.” _Sudden h_ _earing loss. Cabeswater. Living on my own. Accepting help. Dealing with the awkwardness of a dying relationship. Working my ass off in the real world_ and _the magical one. Being Adam Parrish._

 

Ronan sees how Gansey looks at him, and in that moment, he thinks Gansey finally _gets it_ as well, without needing it completely laid out for him. He’s actually _listening_ for once.

 

Ronan’s relieved that Adam and Gansey are on the way to a complete reconciliation. Really, he is.

 

But after they fist bump and Gansey’s hand remains around Adam’s back in a comfortable, Gansey-like gesture of friendliness, Ronan feels a tightening in the pit of his stomach that makes him distinctly uncomfortable.

 

He recalls his own words from the day before, “ _Stop being such a jealous girlfriend_.”

 

He perches himself against Adam’s right side. Closer than strictly necessary.

 

Sometimes he wishes he could follow his own advice.

  



	3. Blue: Love has Multiple Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out Blue and Ronan have a lot in common. Not the least of which, is offering Adam a sense of safety and comfort.
> 
> "After Blue and he had their big fight and decided to ultimately just be friends, he felt more stable than he thought he would have.
> 
> He tried to pretend it wasn’t because someone else had helped pick up the slack."

“It hasn’t gotten better has it?”

 

“Excuse me?” Adam looked up as Blue plopped herself in front of him out of nowhere. Granted it was her house, but still.

 

Not hearing anyone coming was a repetitive issue now. No matter how many times he dealt with the sudden, unexpected guest appearances of his friends or his boss at work, it was still jarring every time.

 

It certainly didn’t help his naturally defensive posture.

 

“The tinnitus? That’s the medical term, right? For the buzzing in your ears. Of course, it can be more than buzzing sounds. Sometimes it can even be voices, right?. Honestly, I’m not sure some medical conditions aren’t people breaching into psychic territory,” she joked softly.

 

Adam took all this in and finally nodded.

 

“Yeah, it uh hasn’t gone away. It’s almost gotten louder. The buzzing I mean,” Adam said, offering more about his own ailments than he would to most other people.

 

Blue was one of the few people he trusted to offer comfort without pity or strings attached. She was like Ronan in a lot of ways, including the sense of safety she offered Adam. 

 

Blue nodded at him with her big, soulful eyes, and he felt inspired to keep going.

 

“But it’s hard to tell whether it’s just a _hearing thing_ , or if it’s _Cabeswater’s_ presence. Maybe a mix of both..”

 

He rubbed his hands over his tired eyes warily, “No matter what, things have never been so noisy, but quiet at the same time. Like I’m picking up every radio frequency in the world I don’t want, but sometimes I miss basic conversations.”

 

Blue hummed, thinking about it. 

 

“It’s interesting that you mentioned frequency. I’ve always sort of thought of the psychic ability as being able to, sort of,  _ latch onto _ the frequencies of the universe that others don’t.”

 

She then smiled playfully, “Who knows, maybe you have a future here, Coca-Cola.”

 

He smirked back, “I don’t think there’s much room for any sort of permanent male presence here.”

 

Blued nodded sagely, “Who knows how the matriarchy would respond? Of course, Persephone’s taken to you already.”

 

She gestured to the tarot cards laid out in front of him. The purpose of his visit here.

 

“Where is she anyways?” he asked looking at the door, as if she would float in looking lost and ethereal in the real world like usual. No such luck.

 

“Who knows?” Blue waved her hand dismissively, before placing it back on her knee and toying with a hole that looked suspiciously to Adam like a smiley face someone had cut with scissors.

 

As someone who fretted over the loose threads of his Aglionby sweater, Adam couldn’t fathom Blue’s ability to wear things destined for a scrap bin, and somehow still look like a million bucks. 

 

It was similar to Ronan’s ability to make even a rumpled dress shirt and crooked tie look like a power suit. He supposed it was the confidence they both carried themselves with that he admired so much in both of them.

 

He straightened his back in the chair.  

 

“Want some yogurt?” Blue asked oblivious to his inner fashion appraisal.

 

“Um, no thanks,” he said, suddenly self-conscious of intruding in the house and hypothetically taking their food. 

 

He’d come to try and scry with the assistance of someone to tether him, but upon finding no Persephone, and being dragged into accepting hospitality by Maura who had also melted away eventually, he’d found the deck of cards he usually borrowed and tried doing some reading.

 

Like Blue had asked, the nearly constant buzzing sound  _ had  _ gotten worse. Sometimes it sounded like running water, and sometimes it got so loud he thought all the energy of the ley line must be concentrated directly against his eardrums. 

 

He wanted some answers and some help.

 

Of course it was Cabeswater (not to mention money) that prevented him from just going to a doctor to get it checked out. He didn’t think there was a prescription for ‘sentient trees vying for my attention.’ if that was the cause of his discomfort. 

 

So he’d turned to more,  _ alternative _ , methods. 

 

But his card readings weren’t turning up anything. He didn’t know what Cabeswater wanted, and the buzzing persisted uninterrupted.

 

Probably because his brain was scrambled and distracted for the very reason he’d started. It was a vicious cycle.. 

 

Blue returned from the kitchen and plopped back down with two cups, the second of which he eyed warily before she rolled her eyes and said, “I’m extra hungry.”

 

He knew it was another thing she had in common with Ronan. Presenting someone a gift of some sort without ever actually offering. And giving them a built in excuse to decline it.

 

Of course, things were different with Blue since they’d had a similar upbringing and consequential understanding of money matters.

 

Ronan didn’t _understand_ from experience, but he somehow managed to _understand_ what Adam needed anyways. 

 

Maybe Niall Lynch had imparted the survival skill of reading people onto his middle son. Maybe Ronan’s natural intuition was lost on the rest of the world simply because he didn’t give a fuck about  _ them _ .

 

Adam blushed pleasantly at the thought that he was one of the very few people in the world who got to receive the power of Ronan’s attention. Maybe even affection. 

 

He'd found himself growing closer to Ronan and the safehaven he provided, especially as the spark he’d felt with Blue slipped further and further away in his memory. It didn’t hurt that while Gansey and Blue were getting closer, he and Ronan had an excuse to form their own alliance.

 

Not that Ronan was a friendship rebound or anything, but Adam had started wondering if he’d been focusing on the wrong people this whole time. 

 

After Blue and he had their big fight and decided to ultimately just be friends, he felt more stable than he thought he would have.

 

He tried to pretend it wasn’t because someone else had helped pick up the slack. 

 

But things between Adam and Blue were good, all things considered, and they’d be even better when she and Gansey stopped sneaking around. 

 

He might miss words and phrases here and there, but it was nearly impossible not to hear the way Gansey’s tone dripped with admiration whenever he talked to Blue while hers oozed with exasperated fondness. A certain fondness she’d never been able to feel for Adam.

 

It had hurt at first. But so did most things in his life, and just like those obstacles, he’d gotten over them.

 

His stomach grumbled, and Blue wordlessly nudged a second spoon across the table to him.

 

They exchanged shy, hesitant smiles, each learning to enjoy and embrace their newfound affection for each other. 

 

It was more pure than what their first attempt at a relationship had been built upon. This friendly love already felt stronger to him.

 

He tasted the yogurt he’d always seen Blue snack on, but never tried before.

 

It _was_ good.

 

But he was really more of a bagel guy anyways. 

 


	4. Adam's Bike: Another Casualty of Robert Parrish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam deals with Literal and Figurative Balance Issues
> 
> 'He didn’t want his friends to walk on eggshells around him, especially not Ronan. He didn’t need another Gansey with his misplaced coddling and permanent hesitancy."

Of course buying his very own car was the next natural step after he’d established himself in his own apartment above St. Agnes.  

 

If you could even call the shitbox a car, something Adam pointedly ignored when Ronan gleefully mentioned it, but silently agreed with completely. 

 

But while Ronan’s hatred was merely that of a car snob, fueled by the beautiful purr of his own BMW, Adam’s only reserves about the car rested in the wound to his pride reminder of his defeat.

 

It had meant giving up his bike after so long of learning to rely solely on it, on his own two legs, for transportation.

 

Riding his bike had of course been a pain in the ass. And the calves. 

 

Especially in Henrietta where the seasons did not pass without making themselves known, each summer and winter making the weather brutal.

 

But it had been his. A symbol of his autonomy.

 

And the fact that he’d had little choice in his “upgrade” bothered him most.

 

After returning to work initially after his accident (if you could call being physically attacked by your own father an “accident”), Ronan had refused to let Adam go to work without a ride.

 

Adam had actually accepted the help since riding in the BMW had never been like riding in the Camaro. It wasn’t charity. It was just Ronan’s car, which was like an extension of himself. 

 

And Ronan and Adam driving side by side had always felt right. At least it had most of the time.

 

\------------------------

 

_ “When do you get off, Parrish?” Ronan asked directly and clearly, turning to face Adam.  _

 

_ They were more communicative than they’d ever been up to that point, and Ronan now made a point of not mumbling for Adam’s sake. _

 

_ “Late,” Adam grumbled, not returning the favor. He’d woken up feeling off kilter again that morning.  _

 

_ He’d more or less managed his tinnitus with a hefty amount of ibuprofen. He also guessed that Cabeswater had backed off a little, lulled back into a temporary sense of stability, even if it did creep into his mind sometimes. _

 

_ But he’d woken up feeling off balance. The same kind of uneven feeling that people with a bad head cold got, and it made him cranky. _

 

_ Ronan heard it in his voice and gave Adam the space to simmer, which only served to irritate Adam more. _

 

_ The old Ronan would have used this to rile him up and start a fight. _

 

_ He didn’t want his friends to walk on eggshells around him, especially not Ronan.  _ _ He didn’t need another Gansey with his misplaced coddling and permanent hesitancy. _

 

_ He didn’t want to lose the shouting matches with Ronan where he could let out all of his barely contained anger and stop pulling his metaphorical punches.  _

 

_ Ronan had become like safety to him, but he still needed the Ronan that was an outlet and sounding board for his turmoil and aggression. Someone who could dish it right back to him and leave him more balanced. _

 

_ So he just sat there scowling, as Ronan did everything right. _

 

_ “I can hang around while you work,” Ronan made the question, statement, offer, without betraying too much hope. _

 

_ “Why? You’ll just be a distraction. Some of us actually have important, real life shit to do...We can’t all pull what we need out of thin fucking air,” Adam muttered viciously.  _

 

_ Ronan looked hurt for a millisecond (enough time for Adam to hate himself) before he too scowled. _

 

_ Good, Adam thought. Lay it on me. Bring on the retort and angry swear. _

 

_ But it never came. Ronan simply said sullenly, “Fine. Your fucking world, Parrish. I’ll come back by 11 pm.” _

 

_ They both knew he wouldn’t be sleeping. But the kind deed in return for Adam’s personal shittiness disappointed him and sapped his energy. _

 

_ “Don’t.” _

 

_ He said it with a hard finality, but no venom this time. _

 

_ Still, Ronan actually looked hurt now. Then truly pissed, Adam saw without the satisfaction he expected before.  _

 

_ “Fine,” Ronan gritted, knuckles white on the steering wheel, as the tension in the car escalated with every tree flashing past. _

 

_ Just as Adam thought the windshield might crack from the sheer pressure, Ronan aggressively turned on the radio, instantly cutting to his favorite loud, shitty EDM music.  _

 

_ It filled the car instantly, with its loud pounding bass. There were probably some higher notes sprinkled in, but Adam couldn’t actually pick up the high frequency sounds of the synthesizer. _

 

_ It was like he was only getting half of the notes, and the result made the already terrible music that much worse to listen to. He’d be lying if  he said the resounding thud of the beat wasn't hurting his overly sensitive ear and worsening his disorientation from that morning. _

 

_ But Ronan didn’t know that, and Adam wasn’t going to let him know, because then he’d have to go back to silence and sympathy, and he just wasn’t ready to deal with Ronan being so fucking nice to him.  _

 

_ So he let the music pound into his eardrums, and used the pain to dull the edges of his own anger. _

 

_ By the time they finally arrived at the garage, he actually felt more balanced than before. Maybe not physically, but at least emotionally. _

 

_ But he still made no attempt to apologize as he wordlessly got out of the car and let Ronan zoom out of the parking lot without a backward glance. _

 

_ Adam knew he’d left his bike safely locked outside the garage the week before. He also knew it wasn’t the issue of getting home that now gnawed on him as he braced himself to start what promised to be a long shift.  _

 

_ \------------ _

 

_ By the time 11 rolled around, any leftover anger Adam had harbored had leaked out of him like the grease that now coated the back of his hands and who knows how many other body parts. _

 

_ Swaying on his feet, he wiped off what he could find, and after closing up shop, went to get his bike. _

 

_ Every part of him ached with soreness and exhaustion, but he thought maybe it’s what he deserved for being unnecessarily shitty to Ronan before. _

 

_ It wasn’t fair to return Ronan’s silent compassion with resentment. He wasn’t Gansey. He wasn’t used to more or less openly showing his affection for people and making kind gestures without making himself vulnerable. _

 

_ And Adam threw it in his face, wanting a human punching bag instead. _

 

_ He sighed and forced his tired legs to keep pumping as he made his way onto the dark asphalt, black as the trend of his thoughts. _

 

_ His focus changed, however, once he got onto the main street. _

 

_ It was the first time he’d ridden the bike since losing hearing in his left ear. _

 

_ He found himself tilting and listing to the right, as his newfound balance issues threatened to drag him off the road all together. _

 

_ He tried to ignore it, but it was hard when it took all his effort just to stay in a straight line. _

 

_ He probably looked like he was riding drunk, but he had never felt more serious and sobered. _

 

_ He made it onto the highway and was celebrating being halfway home before it happened.  _

 

_ He made his way around a steep curve in the road, and suddenly headlights illuminated everything around him, blinding him.  _

 

_ The car, coming up on his deaf side, was going at least twenty miles over the speed limit around the blind curve, and Adam with absolutely no heads up, couldn't react before it was upon him. _

 

_ Some gut instinct had his body instantly swerving to the right, but it wasn’t nearly fast enough without advance warning.  _

 

_ The right side of the car slammed into the edge of his back tire, sending reeling forward over his handle bars, landing hard on the side of the road. _

 

_ Luckily, it was patched with soft grass to break his fall, but it could've been minutes or hours that Adam dazedly stared up at the stars, barely feeling his body beneath him. _

 

_ When he did move, he regretted it. His already sore bones had now been through what felt like a blender. _

 

_ He was no stranger to bruises, and he could only predict the various shades his limbs would represent in the morning. _

 

_ He started laughing bitterly. And then he couldn’t stop. He kept laughing until he coughed up a bit of blood into his palm. _

 

_ Shit, he thought. Internal bleeding?  _

 

_ But then he wiped his lips and found nothing more than an impressively bad split lip. _

 

_ He managed to get himself on his hands and knees in the dark, the probably drunk asshole now long gone, taking the light of the vehicle with him.  _

 

_ He looked over to where his bike now lay, crumpled and twisted like a pretzel.  _

 

_ He didn’t enjoy being flung off his seat, but he was glad that he wasn’t the one who’d gotten completely mangled. _

 

_ He numbly though about how easily he could have died had he landed any differently, and the thought didn’t make him as scared as he thought it should have.   _

 

_ Growing up in the trailer meant growing up with the proverbial sword on a string always over his head. It would’ve been so ironic to only feel its vengeance after escaping.  _

 

_ Of course, in some ways his deaf ear was as much to blame as fate and whatever booze that asshole had consumed, and that tied it all back to his father. Adam could probably track any one of his problems back to his father if he tried hard enough.  _

 

_ Suddenly, another set of lights appeared coming forward at a much less menacing speed. Particularly slowly, actually.  _

 

_ They blinded him again, and he covered his eyes, while staggering onto his feet. _

 

_ He couldn’t hear with his right ear now ringing (as opposed to the buzzing of the past few weeks) but when he opened his eyes the car had stopped in front of him.  _

 

_ I _ _ t was a black BMW. _

 

_ He made eye contact with the driver. The familiar blue eyes pierced his own, dazed as he still was. _

 

_ "Fuck," they both said at the same time.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know where this is all going, but I'm along for the ride, and hopefully other people are as well.


	5. The Dreamer: There's No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re such an idiot,” he huffed a laugh, “And now I’m taking you to the hospital.” 
> 
> “I know,” Adam nodded and shakily moved towards the car. 
> 
> “You’re….you’re not gonna fight me on this?” Ronan puzzled. “Do I look like I’m in any shape to be fighting people?” Adam countered. 
> 
> Ronan snorted. Even almost becoming roadkill couldn’t take away Adam Parrish’s sass.
> 
> OR me indulging in some mother hen Ronan

_**Previously...** _

_Suddenly, another set of lights appeared coming forward at a much less menacing speed. Particularly slowly, actually._

_They blinded him again, and he covered his eyes, while staggering onto his feet._

_He couldn’t hear with his right ear now ringing (as opposed to the buzzing of the past few weeks) but when he opened his eyes the car had stopped in front of him._

_It was a black BMW._

_He made eye contact with the driver. The familiar blue eyes pierced his own, dazed as he still was._

_"Fuck," they both said at the same time._

\-----------------------------------------

Adam imagined rather than heard Ronan slamming open the BMW’s door and racing to his side. He’d closed his eyes for only a second, but apparently his sense of time was skewed because next thing he knew Ronan was all over him.

He dragged his tired eyes open to blearily watch as Ronan checked him over like a worried mother, hovering his hands all over his body without actually touching him. Earlier that day, Adam would have been pissed at the idea of being seen as breakable, but right now, as the adrenaline slowly faded and Adam felt soul deep exhaustion creeping in, he was grateful for Ronan’s mother henning and the fact that he’d come back.

“Fuck! Fucking fuck, shit, Adam, what the everloving fuck happened!?” His mouth kept moving with what Adam assumed were more expletives, but Adam didn’t hear, more engaged in watching Ronan’s face and enjoying how his furious concern morphed his face into something even more savagely handsome than before.

 _He came back just for me_ , Adam thought a little giddily before swaying slightly on his feet, causing Ronan to scrunch his brow together more.

Adam figured he should say something to convince Ronan he wasn’t dying, but nothing came to mind.

“Adam?...”

“I um….I’m gonna need to get a car, Ronan.”

The pointless statement seemed to spark some emotion in Ronan which he had to turn around to hide from Adam directly. Adam waited uncertainly until Ronan gathered himself and turned back around, all anger burnt out, and only exasperated fondness and concern in his eyes as he stared Adam down.

“You’re such an idiot,” he huffed a laugh, “And now I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I know,” Adam nodded and shakily moved towards the car.

“You’re….you’re not gonna fight me on this?” Ronan puzzled.

“Do I look like I’m in any shape to be fighting people?” Adam countered.

Ronan snorted. Even almost becoming roadkill couldn’t take away Adam Parrish’s sass.

He supported Adam’s elbow as he wavered, and they made their way to the BMW, Ronan opening and closing Adam’s door for him and eyeing the remains of his bike before dismissing it. No way Ronan was going to let Adam risk his life on that rusty, metal death trap ever again.

“Besides,” Adam continued when Ronan buckled up, “I figure I owe you one anyways...you know...for earlier,” he finished sadly, staring down at his lap.

“You almost got mowed down on the freeway, and you’re worried my fucking feelings are still hurt? Sorry, Parrish, bigger fish to fry. We’re good,” Ronan said.

But I wish you’d care enough about yourself to go to the hospital for your own good, not just as a favor to me, he thought.

\------------------------------------

Adam had gotten a clean bill of health, so far as he had no permanent injuries or internal bleeding. He was still beat to hell, but what else was new?

What actually was new and different was Adam and Ronan’s dynamic since then. Ronan had become a bit clingy, and Adam would be lying if he said he didn’t secretly enjoy it. It’s not like Ronan hadn’t always been super loyal and protective of his friends, it was just that Adam had fully gave in to all his ministrations this time. And enjoyed it.

When Ronan brought him a thermos full of (possibly homemade) chicken noodle soup, he happily ate it. When Ronan brought a myriad of pillows and blankets to make Adam’s lumpy bed more suitable while he rested up a bit, Adam simply told him, “You’re not getting this duvet back,” to which Ronan returned one his softer smiles. When Ronan insisted on cleaning and changing the bandages for the various superficial cuts and scrapes that littered his body, Adam let him and savored each tender touch meant to heal, not hurt.

One night they were both huddled in the now almost pillow fort when Ronan hesitantly pulled out a laptop.

“You’re not still having headaches are you?”

“The car accident didn’t give me a concussion or anything, you know.”

“Oh, well I know..it’s just I noticed you’ve been having pretty bad ones ever since you uh, lost your hearing,” Ronan shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.

“Oh, well, they’re kinda on and off...looking at a screen is fine though, I feel good right now, so..” Adam responded just as nonchalantly.

 _Thank you for noticing, you’re the only reason I feel good right now_ , he really thought.

“Ok, because I thought we could watch a movie. I know you’re horribly uneducated on most cinematic masterpieces,” Adam shoved him, but Ronan soldiered on, “but when me and my brothers got sick, my mom used to let us pick an old classic and uh….have chicken noodle soup, while we watched it in the den on top of our pillows and blankets.” He was blushing and looking anywhere at Adam.

Adam felt a piece of his heart melt, and he placed a warm, band-aid covered hand over Ronan’s, trying to convey his gratitude without words.

 _Thank you for opening up to me, making me feel safe, and sharing a piece of the love you’ve experienced and cherished_ , he tried to say with his touch.

“Anyways,” Ronan grunted stiffly, “I thought we could watch _The Wizard of Oz_. Declan used to call it a chick flick, but I swear it’s fucking not!” he let the hint of a childlike pout cloud his face before looking over at Adam hopefully.

Adam smiled, “Sounds perfect.”

Having never had the time or opportunity to sit back and watch a movie start to finish, Adam had no real expectations in regards to movies. But as they sat side by side in the now cozy apartment, Adam thought he couldn’t think of a better way to spend his rare free time.

Their knees and thighs somehow ended up plastered against one another, and Ronan whipped out a pair of earbuds, one for his own left ear, and one for Adam’s right. Ronan had a fancy double earbud jack and nice speakers, but he thought that if Adam could only use one ear, so would Ronan.

Adam suspected this, and while he internally rolled his eyes at the ridiculous gesture, he truly appreciated it. Afterall, Ronan’s deep love had a way of presenting itself through the tiniest of gestures. Adam’s lotioned hands proved that. He rubbed them and smiled to himself as the opening credits rolled.

Despite Adam’s lack of movie knowledge, he couldn’t help but think that _The Wizard of Oz_ was the perfect movie for Ronan. He couldn’t imagine the amazing dreamer settling for anything less than the magical and fantastic land of Oz, similar to Cabeswater in its sheer imagination and vibrancy.

As Dorothy started clicking her feet together on screen and muttering, “There’s no place like home,” Adam glanced at Ronan and found him staring back.

 _No_ , Adam thought looking at his dreamer, _there’s no place like home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I'm back (for now) and I hope this is kinda worth the wait.
> 
> It may be riddled with errors, and I had no clear plot goals in mind, I just had to use my random moment of motivation and roll with it.
> 
> Thank you so much if you Like, Comment, or Bookmark :))


	6. The First Kiss: What You're Really Waiting For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Adam.”
> 
> Ronan said his name as if the definition of the word held all the answers to all his prayers.
> 
> “Ronan.”
> 
> Adam said his name like it was the only question he had left that needed answering.

It didn’t happen in a grand or spectacular way. There was no climactic moment when Adam suddenly realized that Ronan was the most important person in his life. 

 

One normal day during a particularly long and boring shift at the garage, the thought popped into his head and he just knew it was true.  _ Ronan Lynch is my person _ , he thought with calm, almost indifferent certainty. 

 

He knew it was true beyond a doubt, but he didn’t know what that meant. Not only because trust and vulnerability were concepts he was learning as he went, but also because his best friend was Gansey. The role was already occupied.

 

So if Ronan was the most important person to him, but not his best friend, what were they to each other? He had other close friends like Blue, but Ronan was at the same time his friend and not his friend. He was just...more. 

 

Even in his head, thinking of Ronan as  _ my friend _ felt far to empty and insignificant for what Ronan actually was to him.  _ My defender, my supporter, my anchor, my very own pain the ass _ . All of those were true, but none of them were  _ enough _ . 

 

_ Soulmate _ , his mind supplied helpfully, but he didn’t know what to do with this unnerving idea and quickly shelved it to be examined at a later time. 

 

And it didn’t help his uncertainty that he felt like Ronan...looked at him sometimes. Not in a creepy way of course, but sometimes he’d look up to see Ronan already watching him, with a glimmer in his eyes that Adam only saw pointed in his direction.  

 

And it didn’t bother him. 

 

What actually bothered him was the overwhelming feeling of disappoint whenever he looked up to see Ronan look away or simply break eye contact after a tense second. What bothered him was the fear he felt when he considered the possibility of Ronan never looking at him like that again. 

 

What bothered him was feeling like things between him and Ronan were always  _ unresolved _ , on the edge of something vast and great, stuck but still unshakable. 

 

It scared him to rely so heavily on one other person for his emotional support and wellbeing, but he couldn’t deny that Ronan was helping him, if not single handedly, fill a vital gap in his heart.

 

For the first time, Adam felt the kind of love he never thought he’d ever have or deserve. But he knew one thing for sure.

 

For the first time in his life, Adam Parrish did not feel alone. 

 

For the first time in his life, he didn’t want to be. 

 

\---------------

 

It didn’t happen in a grand or spectacular way. It happened on a normal day like any other. 

 

Now that Adam had his Hondayota, or rightfully christened shitbox, he insisted on driving himself to work and back. At least  _ some _ of the time. 

 

This simply meant that Ronan came up with more excuses to be over at St. Agnes over the weekend and drive Adam anywhere else he needed to go or for whatever obscure reason. 

 

Today was one of those days where the record breaking temperatures lead Ronan to put his foot down. He’d told adam he wasn’t going to let him commit suicide by shitbox and take his “overheated metal death trap without air conditioning” to work. It was a Friday, and the heat sapped at Adam’s resolve, leaving him without any desire to argue. 

 

That’s why after a normal and predictably draining shift at the garage, Adam was secretly grateful to see a shiny black BMW sitting in the parking lot, waiting. 

 

Despite being tired from his shift, the sight of the BMW and Ronan inside revitalized him and gave him a certain thrill of energy he didn’t know what to do with. A minute ago, he wanted nothing more than to pass out and not have to see another living soul for a solid 24 hours, but now he hoped the car ride home lasted as long as possible. 

 

He slid into the passenger seat, unable to contain a dorky smile from crossing his face, internally cursing his unexplainable feeling of giddiness. “Lynch,” he greeted, trying to subdue the playfulness in his tone.

 

Of course Ronan never missed anything about Adam. “Parrish.” He cocked an eyebrow in question, but responded with a matching smile, “Good shift?” he asked.

 

“Nah, it sucked,” Adam said lightly, laughing a bit. 

 

“Then why the good mood?” Ronan asked, genuinely curious.

 

“I dunno,” Adam shrugged. “It’s the weekend finally, I don’t actually have work tomorrow, Cabeswater has been calm, and I’ve got.. You know..  _ All _ of my friends. So why shouldn’t I be happy?” Adam asked, a little more self-conscious now.

 

“Because you wouldn’t be Adam Parrish if your favorite pastime wasn’t martyring yourself and coming up with new ways to be miserable?”

“Oh fuck off,” Adam lightly punched his shoulder in retaliation.

 

Ronan put on a serious, concerned expression. “No, really did it hurt a lot when they pulled that stick out of your ass?”

 

Adam was laughing now, “You’re the worst!” But his smile grew wider than before, and Ronan himself couldn’t keep up the serious facade. 

 

After a minute, Ronan sobered up once more. “I guess you’re still tired though and want to get home though,” he said as he moved to pull out of the lot.

 

“Actually,” Adam said, surprising even himself, “if you don’t have anywhere else to be, I wouldn’t mind going somewhere for a bit.”

 

“Somewhere?”

 

“Yeah, somewhere. Anywhere. It just feels like one of those nights with lots of possibilities, you know? Like as long as you can still see the stars, everything’s going to be okay and anything could happen?”

 

Ronan paused and fixed him with an indecipherable expression. 

 

Adam squirmed under his gaze, thinking maybe what he said was too weird, and why was he so weird, and he was actually tired, so he should just go home-

 

“I know the perfect place.” Ronan said quietly.

 

Adam had thought Ronan was actually concerned about his sanity, but when he looked again, all he saw was softness and that nameless glimmer in his eyes. 

 

\----------------

 

Adam was lulled back to consciousness by a familiar voice.

 

“Adam?” it implored gently, and Adam’s whole being responded to it as he awoke.

 

He peeled his cheek from the BMW window. Turns out his post work adrenaline had worn off, and he’d crashed in Ronan’s car afterall.

 

“Where are we?” he asked, finally looking around and turning to Ronan first.

 

Ronan frowned and placed his hand on the gearshift, “I should have just let you sleep or taken you back to St. Agnes. We can go ahead-”

 

“No,” Adam said, covering Ronan’s hand with his own before slowly removing it, “I wanted to feel like a normal teenager tonight. And normal teenagers hang out with their friends or go out on friday nights.”

 

Ronan recovered from the flush that took over his face when Adam’s hand had grabbed his and laughed, “Are you telling me or asking me?”

 

Adam just hummed in agreement. 

 

“To answer your question, we’re at a lookout point between Singer’s Falls and Henrietta. See you can see the entire town down below. Normal teenagers do come here I guess, to smoke, or uh..you know..” Ronan trailed off. 

 

Indeed, now that Adam actually looked, he could see the lights of the town, small, but still glowing against the dark, majestic tranquility of the mountain ranges around it. 

 

From here, he couldn’t see the pitiful dirt road leading him to his trailer park and hurt at the hands of his father. He couldn’t smell the dirt or hear the dogs barking and voices shouting. From here, it was peaceful. 

 

He looked over at Ronan’s sharp profile, accentuated by the moonlight.

 

From here, it was beautiful.

 

They sat there for a seemingly long amount of time, taking turns looking at the view and each other in equal turns, offering up small smiles when they caught each other at the same time. They didn’t talk because they didn’t need to. The moment said everything for them. 

 

It was after Adam had seriously zoned out for a minute, engrossed in watching the sleepy town below, that he had looked up to see Ronan staring at him intensely.

 

Several emotions seemed to be warring with each other across his face, and he didn’t avert his gaze like usual. He looked fiercely determined about something, but so incredibly soft, it made Adam’s chest ache. 

 

“Adam.” 

 

Ronan said his name as if the definition of the word held all the answers to all his prayers. 

 

“Ronan.”

 

Adam said his name like it was the only question he had left that needed answering. 

 

Ronan went on, “I like you,” he choked out. His pale complexion was bright red now.

 

“No shit,” Adam said although he had a slight blush too, “Why else would you waste your time hanging out with me?” We’re not just..friends because of Gansey anymore.” The silent  _ Right? _ Was tacked on at the end of his statement. 

 

“No-I didn’t...I don’t want to talk about Gansey, okay? I’m trying to tell you something-”

 

“Well you’re not doing a very good job of it, Lynch. Spit it out,” Adam said without any real bite to it.

 

Ronan just rolled his eyes, “Do you ever make anything easy?”

 

“Not if I can,” Adam joked, thinking about where this could be going, and feeling his heartbeat increase with anticipation. 

 

Ronan looked down now, seemingly resigned.

 

Ronan stuttered a series of meaningless phrases before looking down at his lap, seemingly resigned, “I just..when we...I-”

 

Adam’s chest ached again, watching Ronan struggle to speak, and he couldn’t help the surge of affection that swam through him, watching the strongest person he knew reduced to a stuttering me, the person that he-

 

Adam made a decision.

 

Adam reached his hand forward to gently lift Ronan’s chin up, so he’d meet his gaze. He saw Ronan’s bright, surprised, electric blue eyes before he gently leaned in and softly pressed his chapped lips against Ronan’s in a chaste kiss. It was over in a heartbeat, but the feeling lingered on Adam’s lips. The feeling was _ right _ , and his brain said  _ about time _ . 

 

Adam pulled away enough to give Ronan space, but still kept his eyes locked on his, portraying what he hoped was reassurance and explanation in his eyes.

 

“I know, Ronan.” He swallowed the lump in his throat, “I don’t just know…..I _understand_.”

 

Ronan just stared at him in complete shock before grasping Adam’s face in both hands, and initiating a deeper kiss, one that did more than confirm a mutual understanding, but took every unresolved feeling, passion, and frustration, and mold it into something beautiful and worth waiting for. 

 

“Adam,” Ronan breathed against his lips, coming up for air. 

 

“Ronan,” Adam breathed back.

 

“I love you, you know,” Ronan said like a prayer or perhaps a hushed confession.

 

Adam just looked at him before responding, “Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” Ronan said it with all the certainty, ferocity, and vulnerable honesty Adam had always envied and admire about him.

 

Then slowly, Adam grinned, a random laugh of happiness bubbling up in his chest. 

 

“I just wanted to make sure I didn’t mishear you. You do know I’m deaf out of one ear right?”

 

Ronan just rolled his eyes before joining him and laughing, and pretty soon they were laughing so hard there were tears coming out of their eyes. 

 

And when Adam couldn’t laugh anymore, and the exhaustion of the week started to take hold over his sore but happy body, Ronan simply kissed him on the hand and said, “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't noticed, this fic has sort of evolved beyond just talking about Adam and hearing loss, but I felt like I had to add some kind of homage to it, even in a joking manner. Ergo, the ending.
> 
> Also, it was hard to write a canon divergence for Adam and Ronan's first kiss since I thought the book version was so beautiful and perfect. Among all the ooc scenes and plot-holes of the series, that is one of the moments where I wouldn't change a single detail or word. 
> 
> As always, if you enjoy, please feel free to Like or Comment Below :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment if you liked it, or even wanted to see more. 
> 
> This is also my first fic for TRC (And I've barely ever written anything period, so this is a fun trial run) :)


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